Snow in Spring!? Daily blog 3/28


Today I woke up like I normally do, Groggy and tired. I have a bad habit of smoking a cigarette almost right after I get up. Out of respect for my parents and all, I always go outside to smoke.
Well, today was weird. For the past week or 2, the tempurature outside has been in the 50’° range. Today it was different. Its about 38° or so. Not only that, but it was snowing!
I’m not the biggest fan of snow because I hate having to drive in it. In the USA, we have to drive everywhere to get to where we go since everything is so spread apart. Anyways, this little bit of snow didnt seem horrible. In fact, it was almost magical.
The grass is now green and leaves are starting to bloom. Birds were chirping. Squirrels were running away from my dogs. My dogs always try to catch one. They always fail. The snow brought out the beauty in it all.
This picture isnt from this snow. It’s from a snow storm we had in early January. It was horrible. Even though it was, me and my family found time to enjoy it.
About 1 block away from my house is a cemetary, which is located in the center of town for some reason…
At the back side of the cemetary there is a big hill that they put all the excess dirt at. They dont bury anyone around there. Itd be creepy and disprespectful of us if they did bury people there and we still played on that hill.
We took slides as we left the house and walked to that area. It was a good walk. Air was clean and barely any traffic. We got there and ran up the hill and my daughter was first to slide, then me, my nephew, and my mother last. It was fun until we became to cold.
After we got back home we enjoyed time around the fireplace. Thats about as much fun I had with snow in awhile but I still loathed it. I still had to drive on streets filled with snow and ice going 10mph so i wouldn’t crash into something.
But this snow that is happening off and on as I write this, I dont hate or loathe it.
I know it wont stick and it’s not 19° or below like it was last time. It’s refreshing to me and reminds me that, even though I can hate something, there is beauty in everything.


Daily blog 3/27

Quit alot I get called a pesimist by the people I work with. Pesimism is basically expecting the worst thing to happen instead of the best. I used to not be a pesimist. I used to be happy-go-lucky when I was younger. What happened? I became an adult stuck working in job where everyday they say we might work saturday, then say we wont,then back to again to say we will.

After the first year of dealing with that, I just stopped caring. I stopped caring about getting that days production, if we had to stay over to get it, and if we worked saturday. I still, to this day, think that way. So my outlook to my work life and by extension, my home life, has deteriorated by that type of thinking. I hate that.
I need a change in my life. All I do is sleep and go to work and I hardly get to see my daughter.
Here soon I’ll have surgery for my back  (which I think was messed up due to the job.) It’ll be tough and i’ll get through it. Honestly I cant wait for the surgery and healing to be done because I am going to change my life. Hopefully for the better.
Who knows, maybe I can stop thinking like a pesimist and start thinking optimistically.

So that said follow me for what I hope will be an adventurous and life changing blog that will take me through a journey of self recovery and the effects that follows.

Monk of Steel Daily blog 3/26

Everyday I get off work and I watch YouTube videos. Mostly about places I want to visit and things I want to do. I stumbled across one that I just could not believe. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a monk that, basically, his head can get beaten with a steel rod and not bleed,  he can take a powered drill to the head and not bleed, then he can pull a truck with an extremely sharp sword to his neck and come across with just a scratch mark.
It just amazes me what the body can be put through and come across as unscaved. if I did any of the stuff he did in the video I’d be dead, no question about it, I’d be dead. It makes me wonder what type of training that the monk had to endure to be able to do this. I know that there’s a lot of mental preparation to training, such as meditation. That can only take you so far though . Could I do any of that stuff that he does in this video? No. Would I want to do it? Again, no. Do I have respect for his beliefs and what he can do? Yes.
I’ll post the link to the video so you can go and watch it yourself and be amazed by what Shaolin monks can withstand. until next time,I’ll talk to you all later.

Crazy Video: Nothing can break this Shaolin monk:

Daily blog 3/25/15

So this will be the beginning of my daily blogs. I’m going to try to keep making them everyday as much as possible.

So why do I continue to stay at a job I hate? I’d say the main reason is because the money is good. Especially in a small town we’re pretty much your only choices of a job are at a factory, McDonalds, or Walmart. Since I’m a single parent, the factory I work at is 1 of the few that offer more than minimum wage and even making more than that I still struggle daily. Now I shouldn’t have that many expenses. I still live with my parents its my choice. I have lived on my own before but for me and my parents we like the nicer things in life. We like to live in a nice house but to be able to afford we all have to to pitch in. I make enough to pay rent for my own place with what I pay my parents for rent. I also pay for my own cell phone and the internet at the house.  the plus to living with my parents is that for the most part I have free childcare because my daughter also lives with us. I’m not using my parents for that but it is an added bonus to living with them.
The only part that I don’t like about it is that I know if I leave, my parents can’t afford the house we’re in because I’m paying a good chunk of what the rent is each month. My mother works at a different factory than the one I work at and she’s been there for 17 years. Which is great for her I respect her for her choice of staying with that company for that long but that company doesn’t pay them what they should. I’ve been working at my job for 5 years. I made more than her the second year I was working at my job. My stepdad is a car insurance salesman he does pretty good but he only gets paid once a month.  it makes it harder for me and my mother because of him only getting paid once a month though.
Even though I make good money and I can afford a lot of nice things in life it doesn’t really add up to anything if the stuff I can afford with that money doesn’t provide a value to my life. And even if the stuff that I bought with the money did provided value what good does that do me when I’m dead. They don’t provide memories, at least, not worth wild ones. That’s why I want to be able to quit my job in a year. I want to go and travel the world. Hopefully I will  be able to do that with my daughter and I don’t want to be selfish and not take her but I don’t know how that will plan out yet.
When I was younger I made some questionable choices in life. now I have a child that is my responsibility everyday. I don’t regret the decisions I made but I do with the person I made them with. Regardless, I wouldn’t give my daughter up for anything.

Anyways I know this is a long blog. Hopefully most of the ones I do won’t be long but for the first couple I’m sure they will be so I can get the thoughts out of my head and onto the page. It’ll help me vent a little bit and it’ll help me with my depression a little bit. Since this is so long,I will come up with a word for the day so that way I will know that you read the whole post. that word is going to be

“life changing”.
And also if you did read it all, leave me a comment and tell me what life changing decision you made. If  it was for the better or for the worse or just you know,whatever.
Anyways hope you guys have a nice day in my area it’s sunny. I don’t know if it is in yours but get out and enjoy the Sun while you can cause you never know when you next time.

Whats in my head?

Okay so it’s not really something in my head it’s just what I’m thinking about today. As of right, now I have two herniated discs in my back. It’s something I need to get taken care of.  My doctor wants to do surgery I just can’t afford it at the moment. Everyday I’m in the same pain my back feels like somebody has their  fist grabbing onto my spinal cord and squeezing the ever living hell out of it. My legs, they feel hollow, I don’t know how to explain that really but that’s how they feel. Because of the herniated discs I’m stuck at the job I’m at because the insurance I get through them will pay for the surgery. Its a good job and all but money is not everything. Especially when your health is involved.
After I get that taken care of then I have to get my teeth fixed because they’re all messed up from drinking way too much soda as a kid and a little bit of genetics, but after all of that is said and done I want to travel to Japan. That’s where I’ve always wanted to go. It’s just one of those things I feel like my soul is pulling me there and it’s something I want to do and something I feel I need to do,  but the dilemma comes in that I have a daughter and I’m a single parent, well her mom is involved in her life but she’s not the custodial parent so i take care of her all the time except every other weekend. That just kind of makes it harder for me to figure out how to go about getting there. I might have to wait till after she’s out of the house to go but that’s another 12 years from now. I hope its not that long I mean I really want to go, like I said it something I dream about constantly and im
always think about it. But we’ll see how it goes.
That’s what this whole blog is about , to see where my future takes  me, my daughters future, how my health improves or gets worse. But I guess that’s the end of this blog  so if you have any comments or suggestions let me know.
Have a great tuesday or whatever day you’re reading this

Welcome to my blog! Im Mockernaut :)

So where to begin
Let me thank you for stumbling onto my blog! Dont be affraid to comment on anything i post.
2nd, this blog is all about what i think about life, weird things, my goals, and whatever pops in my head

And finally, 3rd, a little about myself.
I live in America, more specifically, Arkansas. I want to travel to japan someday but its complicated at the moment 😦
I have a beautiful daughter that i love to the moon and back. I love all things japan (video games, anime, movies, culture, etc)
Sorry if i mispell words or my butchering on the english language even tho its my first and only language (yay no college education…..)
I hope to post quit frequently so stay tuned! See you again shortly!!